Tears of Silence
by Summoner Firefly
Summary: Hey this is the last chapter!!!! Or the second to last!!! You have the choice, so read and review!!!! It's a depressing story that sure to make anyone cry, well maybe not everyone or in fact anyone!!!!^-^ Anyway, read and review!!!!^-^
1. Default Chapter

The Beginning

*Disclaimer*- I don't own any of these characters that are used in this story. They all belong to the wonderful and talented ladies of CLAMP.

I am lying here on your grave while watching the last few moments of my life pass me by. I should be savoring these last moments with the one that I love. But how can you be with the one that you love when they are dead? Or I should be depressed on how the end of my life is shortly donning near. Instead my heart feels relieved as do I. My heart will soon be rid of the suffering to which it has faced. Watching you die was the worst moment of my life. The days that which followed were only full of that one moment playing over and over again in my head. People were continuously hovering over me waiting for this moment to occur in hopes to stop it. Alas they were to late and has been done can not be undone. In a few moments I will be able to see your face once again, even if it is after death. After death is only a small price to pay to see that warm, inviting smile once more and to tell you how I truly felt. Now it is my time and I can only think of you. 

*Author's Note*- Okay, I know this chapter is really short but I can't help it. This chapter sets up the rest of the story, so it will make it easier to understand. If you can't guess who the person is narrating the story, well then you will just have to read the next chapter to find out. Also, please review this story so I know how horrible of a writer I am. Thanks and stay tuned!


	2. Your Death

Your Death

*Disclaimer*- Well, again none of the Rayearth characters belong to me. They all are owned by the extremely talented group called CLAMP.

This can't be true. It just can't be true.

I stared at the destroyed FTO with tears streaming down my face wondering how this can be true. Underneath the FTO lays your body and just like the FTO, it is lifeless. Why did you have to die, Eagle? Why? Your body was once warm and full of life but now it remains hidden, out of sight and cold, motionless.

The battle is over and we have finally beat our one true enemy, Debonair. Everyone rejoices around me with the ones that they love but I am with myself. I am left here standing, thinking about you and how dim-witted I was to never realize the truth that lay hidden in my heart. I remember only yesterday when you comforted me because of what was happening to Lantis.

I was crying because Nova had defeated Lantis and taken him captive. I also had found out from Clef that Nova was me. She was a shadow of my heart that was left when I along with Umi and Fuu killed Princess Emeraude. I couldn't bare the pain of knowing that it was me who was killing the one that I loved, or so I thought.

So I wandered over to your cell not knowing what to do. I didn't understand why I was heading towards your room instead of one of the many other people who could have helped me. I guess it was because I knew that you could comfort me the most since you were one of Lantis's friend. 

When I reached your cell you were there and helped me feel better about myself and also yourself. You also told me that when you truly love someone you don't really know why, you just love them. Well, I found out why I had loved Lantis and also that my love towards Lantis wasn't true love. 

Lantis. He slowly walks towards me with his hands outstretched trying to hug me. I then turn my body around and walk away from him. Doesn't he understand that I no longer love him or that it really wasn't true love after all? No. No one can ever honestly understand the truth that lays buried in my heart. Only I can..

He stares at me in bewilderment and asks me what's wrong. I reply with tears sliding down my cheek and then Lantis begins to understand the truth. Lantis looks at me for a moment and the he quickly turns his head around from me trying to hide the tears that are sliding down his cheek. But I still catch a glimpse. 

My heart suddenly begins to ache with pain. Although, this pain is not because of what I just did from Lantis. No, it aches because I miss you so much and yearn for you to be by me. That can never happen to me as long as I am alive.

Once again I turn my attention to the FTO. I look once more at the disheveled machine and start to deliberate if that is how you look underneath there. 

Then I put my hand to my lips and blow a kiss to you underneath the ruble. I turn my head and body around and start to dash towards the castle, sobbing. Umi and Fuu see me and they stop talking and celebrating with their friends. They then try to run after me but they are no match for my speed. So I soon leave them behind and am left alone to open the door to then vast castle. Once inside the castle I start to run to my room. When inside I lock the door that is behind me. Thus, leaving the whole world shut out of my life. 

I wander over to the mirror and stare at the face that looks back at me. My eyes are red and puffy, almost the color of my scarlet hair. My cheeks are also red and cracked. My clothes are soiled with the tears that I have shed. My body aches of pain and is in desperate need of sleep. My heart still aches of pain.

My body slowly gives in and collapses to the bed. I slowly look around at the objects that surround me and wish for this pain to be over. Then I fall into a deep sleep. 

*Authors Note*- Okay, so what's the diagnosis, doc? Please read and review this story because I would like to know how horrible of a writer I am. Remember be harsh! Thanks


	3. As the days slowly pass me by...

*Disclaimer*- I don't own Rayearth. Although, I wish I did but then again who doesn't wish that they owned Rayearth?! All of the characters belong to CLAMP.

*A Note From the Always Lovely Summoner Firefly*- Sorry, its been awhile since I put this story up! I have been focusing on my humor fics for the last few months and have literally thrown this story and "Lily Vision" out the window! But now I am back and still kicking! I will finish this story no matter how long it takes and believe me I have no idea how long this will take! Originally, this story was only supposed to be two parts that were really long but I seem to have cut up the story into chapters and made it even longer! Sorry! I hope you like it! ^-^

Slowly, as I awake from this dreamless sleep of mine I find that the pain in my heart still lingers on. It seems that no matter how hard I try to forget your face, I cannot forget you. Why am I unable to shake this feeling out of my heart? Was I that much in love with you that I never realized it? But I did realize my feelings towards you. At least Nova did. But why?

As I gradually arise from my bed to look at my broken self in the mirror, I hear a knock at the door. The piercing knock breaks the silence that once existed in this room and causes panic to steadily fill my heart. Then a voice can be heard through the door. One solitary voice is pleading for me to be allowed into my room but I won't let the voice in. The door is locked so there are no worries. At least I think.

I try to ignore the voice and it's pleading but I can't seem to get the voice out of my head. So, I walk over to the door to see who the voice belongs to and then I see his face. Lantis. Why is he here? Doesn't Lantis understand how I truly feel? No, no one understands my heart, not even me.

As I stare through the peep-hole it suddenly comes to me. No one understands the truth that lays hidden in my heart, not even Lantis. That means that I can pretend to have only loved you as a friend and then mask the truth. At least until the time is right for me. Then, I open the door.

Two days have passed since your death and no one suspects a thing. But why does the pain still linger in my heart?

I am sitting at the dinner table and across from me is Lantis, Fuu, and Umi, each staring at me and my plate. I look down at the plate. It's soup. I don't feel like eating a thing but if I want them to leave me alone I must then finish the whole bowl. As I take a sip, I feel the warm soup stinging down my throat and my stomach trying to push it back up but I can't let it. Gradually, each sip stings less and less until I have finally finished this horrible bowl. Now I can be excused from the rest of this dinner and instead go to the garden to sulk by myself.

As I walk by the garden I can still picture myself chasing after you from when you invaded the castle. Then I was mad at you because I truly didn't understand the whole situation but now I can only feel regret for have ever disliking you. More then anything, I wish that there was some way that I could bring you back to life but no there isn't. You are dead. Everyone seems to be realizing the truth and getting over it but I can't. It is then that I realize what I must do.

It has now been a week since your death and no one at all suspects what I am about to do. Everyone thinks that I am only grieved over your death because I loved you like a friend, not a lover. Because of this everyone has allowed me to visit your grave by myself and even have time at the gravesite with no one around me for hours. So, today when I go for my usual visit to your grave I will take my life so that we can once again be together. Then I can finally tell you my true feelings towards you.

Now as I stand at your grave all that I can think about is that how happy that I will be after this is all over. Is that wrong? No, because once I am dead I will finally be rid of all of this pain that still exists in my heart that never seems to lessen or go away. Instead, I will be able to feel pure joy even if it is after death. I stare at your grave once more and kiss my hands softly as I press them one last time on your grave.

Then I call out the strongest spell that I possess and it slowly engulfs me. The fire burns my skin worse and worse as each seconds passes but the pain is no more worse then the pain that still occupies my heart. Finally, the fire totally over powers my body and I collapse to the ground on your grave.

I am lying here on your grave while watching the last few moments of my life pass me by. I should be savoring these last moments with the one that I love. But how can you do that when the one that you love is buried underneath you? Or I should be depressed on how the end of my life is shortly donning near. Instead my heart feels relieved as do I. My heart will soon be rid of the suffering to which it has faced. Watching you die was the worst moment of my life. The days that which followed were only full of that one moment playing over and over again in my head. No one around me suspected a thing because I am good at masking my feelings but I still can't help to feel a little bit of sadness to not be able to see them once again. But there is nothing that I can do. 

Alas, in a few moments I will be able to see your face once again, even if it is after death. After death is only a small price to pay to see that warm, inviting smile once more and to tell you how I truly felt. Now it is my time and I can only think of you. 

Then I hear a voice call out my name. It is Lantis. But he is to late...

*Another Note from me...the author!*-So what do you think? If you liked it then fear not because this isn't the end! This is only the end of part one! There is a part two that I now will be working on but it will still stay under "Tears of Silence" because I want it to! If you didn't like it then fear not you won't have to read on to see what happens. Either way please review because I would like to know what you people thought of it. Although, if you are going to comment on the way that I am writing this fear not part two will actually have speaking in it but it will still be told from Hikaru's point of view because these are her tears of silence and she needs to tell them! ^-^ Also, I am sorry if there are any grammatical errors because I tried to fix them all but I don't know if I did! Anyway, please review the story! 


	4. Your smile makes my knees feel weak...

*Disclaimer*- Ah...yet again it is that time to tell you all that I don't own Rayearth. Who here thinks that it is possible for some nit wit like me to come up with that great of a story and then draw it?! I thought so!

*Author's Note*- Here it is! The beginning of what I call Part Two! Basically part one was before Hikaru's supposed death and Part Two deals with after. ^-^ It took me awhile to get back on track but here I am! Mu ha ha ha! I may actually finish this story!!!! ^-^ That would be the first story that I actually finished!!!! ^-^

I can feel my burned body lay limp on the bed and the pain that still exists in my heart roll on. I must still be alive. It seems that my spell wasn't strong enough to finish me off. Why? This can't be happening to me. All that I wished to do was to get rid of this pain in my heart but it stills keeps on going. Why, must I suffer like this?

Then, I am slowly brought back to reality by faint voices that seem to be all around me. Although, not enough for me to open my eyes and see the world that lays all around me. I can hear familiar voices all around me calling out my name. Some of the voices I can clearly recognize but others I have heard but have no clue in who they belong to. 

Some of the voices called out to me, "Please Hikaru don't die!"

One voice seems to tower above the rest tell me in regret, "Hikaru, I won't lie to you. You aren't dead...but at the same time you aren't alive either. Hikaru, it seems that you are...well...stuck between two worlds and only you can choose in whether you choose to live or you choose to die. Please choose life, death is not the answer!" It was Clef.

I tried to moan out that I wished to die and that death was the only answer to everyone but I could hardly choke the words out because my lips were to dry and weak to speak. So, instead I just laid there motionless in my bed stuck between two worlds.

Then I could feel something soft lightly brush against my burned skin. It was Mokana. What was he doing here? Was he, too, trying to get me to live?

But before I could figure out what Mokana was doing a warm light hit me in the forehead. I could feel the warmness of the light penetrate what was left of my skin. Then I could slowly feel my spirit rising out of my body. After a few moments my whole spirit was floating in the air and I could see everything. I could see everyone stand hovered around me while Mokana was doing something to my body. Am I dead or alive?

"What's going on?" I muttered in confusion.

"It would appear that your spirit has risen from your body," a familiar voice from behind me told me.

I spun around to discover who the voice belonged to and then I saw him. It was Eagle. He too seemed to be a spirit in the air but he still had that warm inviting smile on his face that made my knees go weak.

"Eagle!" I cried out. 

I then attempted to float over to Eagle. When I reached Eagle I picked my hand up and then he placed his hand in mine, palm to palm. I could feel my spirit suddenly fill with warmth and the corners of my mouth gradually twitch upward.

"It really is you!" I cried back and then proceeded to hug him.

"Who did you think it was?" Eagle softly asked me as he held me in a warm embrace.

"I don't know. It's just such a shook for me to be able to see you again!" I mumbled to him.

I thought so," he softly said as he let go of me and then softly touched the side of my face with his arm. I suddenly felt relaxed and relieved but I knew that I had to ask him. I needed to know what was happening to me.

"Eagle, what's going on?" I asked.

"Well..."

*Another Note from the one known as Summoner Firefly*- Don't you just love cliff-hangers?! Well, I do! Fear not, this is not the end! I seem to have screwed up in my calculations in how long the chapters will be and how many there will be. It seems that there will probably be two more chapters unless I find some other way to span all of these chapters out! Well, that's it for now! Plus, don't forget to review the story because I wish to know what is wrong with my writing!

Also, I would like to take the time to thank my friend Dragonfire! He's the person who always corrects my grammar because I suck at grammar! Thanks Dragonfire! ^-^


	5. O.oMy final choice o.O

*Disclaimer*- Once again I do not own Rayearth! It is owned by the wonderful and talented ladies of CLAMP!!!!^-^

*Alas, another note from Summoner Firefly*- Well, hello! Now you will be able to find out what happens or will you?! Anyway, this is the second to last chapter and as of now I have no idea how long each of these chapters will be! So please bear with me!

"What's happening?" I asked.

"Well...it would appear that you are...still caught between two worlds," Eagle replied.

"What do you mean? I thought Mokana did something to my body," I asked puzzled.

"Mokana did."

"Then what did he do to me?"

"Mokana brought your whole spirit into this world so that you can see what you desire most...." Eagle started to say.

"He brought me to see you...but why?" I again asked.

"So, that you can make your final decision in which you can choose life or death..." Eagle began to state.

"Then I choose death..." I flatly told him.

Eagle then proceeded to lower his head and he said with regret lingering in each word, "You cannot do that, Hikaru."

"Why not?" I asked confused. I thought that Eagle would want someone to be with. Why would he do this to me?!

"Because death is not the answer," he replied.

"Yes it is," I said as I cupped his hands in mine, smiling, "If it means that I am able to be with the one that I love then death is the only choice for me. I love you Eagle and there is nothing that is going to change that."

Eagle lowered his head even more as he whispered to me, "Hikaru, you still have a full life ahead of you. You just can't do this to yourself."

"Why can't I? What is life without the one that you love? What is life when there is no one to share it with? Why can't I do this? I want to."

"Because I could never forgive myself for being the cause of your death," Eagle muttered and then he rose his head at me and smiled, "Hikaru, you have a whole life ahead of you that can be filled with joy and love. It isn't right for you to just end it like you did. Not only are you ruining your life but all of the people's lives that you touched and those that you would have touched. Where would all of those people be without you?"

"But...what about you? It wasn't fair for you to die just like that!!!" I shouted as I sobbed into my hands. I couldn't believe this. I was confessing my love to Eagle and he was trying to get me to reverse my choice. But why?

"Hikaru, it will be alright," Eagle softly whispered to me as he hugged me. I could feel the warmness of his body embrace me and for a moment in my life I felt like I was in eternity. 

"No, it won't. You don't want me to stay!" I continued to sob into Eagle's shoulder.

"That's not true. I want you but I want you to live. I didn't have a choice in whether I wished to live or not but you do. You have a choice to live and it is only right for you to choose life. Hikaru, if you choose death then I would never be able to forgive myself, ever..." Eagle said.

Then Eagle rose his head to mine and softly placed his lips on to mine and kissed me. My whole body was once again filled with warmth but I knew that it couldn't last for long.

So, I looked into Eagles face and I couldn't help but smile, "If I choose life I would never be able to love any man, like I love you."

"I know that."

"Plus, I might never become the same cheery person that I was before all of this happened."

Eagle then placed his hand below my head and tilted it upward to his face and replied, "Hikaru, if there is one thing that you never lose I wish it to be your smile."

I looked into his face once again and smiled, "Don't worry Eagle I will never lose my smile." 

As I said that I knew that my mind was made up and that I had to choose life. If I didn't then Eagle's heart would forever fell guilty. Plus, all of those who depend on my smile to cheer them up would feel sadness in their hearts for the rest of my life. Even if I am unable to live with the one that I love, I can at least make sure that the world never forgets him or I.

"Then...I guess you choose life," Eagle mumbled.

"Yes, but only because I wish to make sure that no one will ever forget you and because I have to many friends who depend on my smile to cheer them up!" I said smiling.

"You have made the right choice," Eagle softly said.

"Maybe I did maybe I didn't. All I know is that if you want me to live then what else can I do?" I mumbled to him and then turned my body away from him.

"Hikaru..."

"Yes," I said turning back to Eagle for the last time.

"Hikaru, you are prettier with a smile on your face then with tears in your eyes," Eagle said smiling.

"Eagle, I will always love you!" I yelled back to him as I began to disappear.

"And I will always love you..."

*Alas the last note from Summoner Firefly or not?*- Okay, here it is! The end to the story! What do you think?! If you guys want me to do a follow-up chapter then tell me because I won't mind doing one but if you don't then this is the end of the story. Anyway, Eagle's line "Hikaru you are prettier with a smile on your face then with tears in your eyes..." is from the last tape dubbed so if you know that saying a little different then that is why! ^-^ Thanks to all of you all for reading this story and please review it! ^-^

P.S. I forgot to give this to my ace assistant: Dragonfire to check over the grammar so if there is anything wrong, well sorry! I suck at grammar!^-^ Anyway, also sorry there aren't very many vivid verbs in here, I just had a dry streak but it is still pretty good, right?!^-^


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